my homework thing

i had to wirte a short story kinda thing about an angery driver and i need to know how to make it better, so um...here:

After hours and hours, he finally looked around with clenched teeth. His fingers danced wildly on the steering wheel as he saw the over-turned mug that lay there and let the black liquid ooze out and seep deep into the fabric of the gray seat. He felt that his foot was still slammed up against the brake pedal. As he slowly relaxed it he regretfully looked up the to see a large and noticeable dent that scraped most of the silver paint away right in the front of the car, almost just to taunt him. He then started to pound his forehead into the steering wheel when he remembered who’s car it really belonged to, and what punishment awaits him.

This sentence is a run-on sentence: His fingers danced wildly on the steering wheel as he saw the over-turned mug that lay there and let the black liquid ooze out and seep deep into the fabric of the gray seat.

Maybe something like: His fingers danced wildly on the steering wheel as he saw the over-turned mug that lay there. He merely let the black liquid ooze out and seep deep into the fabric of the gray seat, too frustrated to do anything.

Besides that, not bad. Might want to try to make it a bit longer, though.

okay, thanks ill do just that

I think it's pretty good, Jess! Nice job! ^^

thanks!

You're welcome. ^^

So, why did you have to write it? I mean, I know it was for school, but was it like a project for Communication Arts, or what? (Sorry, I'm a curious person '^^)

i have the evilist english teacher ever, it as just for her tring to see how good my class is at creative writing, we have to do one every week though